And so she whispers....

Due date

She was due to be born October 7, 2011 -- which that year fell on thanksgiving weekend. Angel's due date still gets to me 2 years later. It is hard not to think about what should have been. 

This past week a sibling of one of Jeff's colleagues lost their baby at 6 months. It triggered both of us.  Why does this seem so common?  It makes me want to scream about the unfairness of it all.

As much as I love October for it's changing colors and beauty, I hate how empty it makes me feel. Something is missing, always missing, and right now it just feels so very pronounced. 

Wishing I could hold her in my arms.

An old soul

Someone at work today called me an old soul. I smiled politely, meanwhile thinking "oh yes you have no idea."

This soul has lived through terrifying moments of heartache, fear and immense sadness. Death has lived in me. I am haunted in many ways.  I have searched for inner peace and have fought with myself to pull myself out of the darkness.

This soul has come to see the light again as well. I have many moments where I live in the present -- I am illuminated and alert. I do not take things for granted. My soul has grown so much.