The music changed

Growing around grief

Sharing because I kind of like this depiction. Depending on the day I would say I am either in the middle or the far right of this illustration. 

Day of hope 2013

Good to remember

Yes I have made it 2 years without her and it has been the most difficult emotional pain to manage. But I have made it 2 years without her. That is a milestone, and accomplishment and a testament to my strength and the support of my circle.

2 years ❤

Happy 2nd birthday in heaven Angel.

I remember so vividly holding you in my arms on this day 2 years ago. 

I wonder what you might be up to if you had lived. We would probably be chasing you around as you explore, climbing the stairs and furniture. You would be feeding yourself. You would be talking to us and saying mama and daddy, and short phrases. You might imitate our guestures and words.  You would have a favorite toy and would likely enjoy it when we read you stories.  I am sure we would share many hugs and kisses.

We miss you every day and especially today. 

Sending you all our love.

"We can't know why the lily has so brief a time to bloom in the warmth of sunlight's kiss upon its face before it folds into its fragrance and bids the world good night to rest its beauty in a gentler place.  But we can know that nothing that is loved is ever lost and no one who has touched a heart can really pass away because some beauty lingers on in each memory of which they've been a part."

Ellen Brennerman

Owen's birthday wish for Angel.

I wonder what mischief they would have got up to together!!

The 10th

In a lot of ways the 10th of August will always be known as the worst day of my life. It is the day we found out she was gone. It is a day of trauma and a nightmare that I can't believe I had to live through. Although today, 2 years later, is "just another day" in this life after loss, I  get pulled back throughout the day with flashbacks and tears. It is not something that can be stopped. 

My heart breaks and shatters all over again for her.

Memory box

Jeff and I went to st joes today to donate the memory box for Angel's 2nd birthday.

I arranged to meet Kim, the social worker that helped us, again. She said she was honored to receive the memory box, which I thought was sweet of her to say. 

I told her how the woman who received the box from last year did end up contacting me and she was glad to hear it. Kim said she would hold into the box, in her office, and keep it for when the time was right, just like last year. 

 I hate to think that someone will even need this box and will be reading my letter to her one day. But I do hope it can bring them some comfort.

The robin

For most of the spring and summer I have seen her. I look out the window to my yard and there she is. This little bird, a robin, sometimes looking my way and sometimes just minding her own business. I told my friend Jackie about it... That I keep seeing her. It almost makes me chuckle with the consistency of it. Feels like it could be spirit.

Jackie sends me this :)

The Robin Redbreast, has been subject of legend since the year Dot. quite literally. With the coming of Jesus Christ comes the legend of the Robins Red Breast. It is said that in Our Lords hour of need it was the Robin that tried to remove the thorns, it was the Robin that stood guard and only allowed the light to come near. It was this act of heroic bravery that caused a splash of blood to stain his red breast, this motive is still seen today and is worn with a pride by the Cock Robin. Also the Robin can be found in every church yard but will only be seen once it calls to you and once seen, it's unique character will become familiar to you as this sacred bird will visit you often whilst providing reassurance for a new beginning.

 This bird is a visitor and as such should be appreciated as a welcome visitor bringing gifts, it is for you to interpret the gifts it brings. Someone recently passed maybe showing you that you are being watched, maybe just letting you know that they still love you.

 Just as every human is different so is every Robin, so look at this Robin and identify it's unique features. It is no coincidence that next time he appears you will "KNOW" it is the same one. He will stay around for as long as he is needed and will re-appear if called for.

 The Robin is a solitaire, strong, silent, guardian, protector even when looking after it's family it is rare for it to flock with others, preferring to be solitary and heard when it speaks.

 This beautiful bird is earth tied meaning that it will stay on the earth, it's duties include that of the escort, meaning it is willing to escort the spirit to a new beginning. It is a part of the dawn chorus singing in the new day and it is a part of spiritual awakening, a gentle reminder of what has been and will be again.

What you are not