It catches you off guard

All these years later, I still feel the grief pop up and it catches you off guard sometimes.

I love my nieces so much, but at the park the other day, seeing them practice their baseball with Jeff, I could not help but think of Angel and how she would have been right there too, taking a turn swinging the bat. Jeff is an amazing uncle and it hurts my heart at times to know what he is missing out on.   

I reconciled a long time ago that my nieces are not Angel and to focus on those relationships as what they are, not what we have lost. But sometimes the grief creeps in and I just feel robbed all over again. 

6 years

Happy sixth birthday to my baby girl. 🌸

Never ready

2017 Backpack donation

Backpacks are ready to go from my mom and I, one for a girl and one for a boy --- starting grade 1 in the fall. Crazy that Angel would be starting big girl school. The items in the backpacks are a bit more grown up this time with pencils and erasers and a glue sticks and pencil cases.   Hard not to think what she would be like, what subjects she would love or excel at at school. 

I hope these make one little girl and one little boy very happy to start grade one.

Garden blooms

My Mimi being sneaky in Angel's garden earlier this summer 

Time doesn't heal all wounds

http://stillstandingmag.com/2017/08/dont-tell-me-times-heals-all-wounds/

Angel's garden, spring 2017

   

It's a tricky day for many of us xo

 

On the eve of Mother's Day 2017 - watch this beautiful video

https://www.facebook.com/Upworthy/videos/10154669722747984/

New ruling by Ontario Human Rights Tribunal - Miscarriage is a disability

https://www.thestar.com/news/gta/2016/04/05/miscarriage-is-a-disability-says-ontario-human-rights-tribunal.html

They remember

Last weekend Jeff and I went to see Ama and Papa (his grandparents) in their new retirement home.  Ama is now 87 and Papa is 95.  I think they are settled in although Papa doesn't seem to fond of the place!

While we were visiting in their suite, Papa called Jeff and my attention to one of his lamps (they have these awesome lamp/sculptures and lots of other amazing art in their apartment, much of what he made himself).  Pinned to the lampshade was the little Angel pin from Angel's memorial service.

I almost lost it when he showed us that.  He made Jeff turn the lamp on too, to show it to us with the light on it :)

I think part of me was stunned they remember her.  it was over 5 years ago and I know their memory isn't so great these days.  It touched me very deeply.

Never underestimate

 

She's survived one of the greatest heartaches. She is made of steel!