Tattoos for Angel - on her due date

Today, Jeff and I got our butterfly tattoos for a baby girl Angel.  When we lost her, we decided to make the butterfly a symbol for her. It is etched on her urn, and we did a butterfly release at her memorial.  
Here is mine...cute and girly


Here is Jeff's.

We feel good doing this on her due date.  It makes us feel like she is really a part of us now. We love you and miss you Angel!

An Ugly Pair of Shoes

I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable Shoes.
I hate my shoes.

Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.

I can tell in others’ eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realise that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in the world.

Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don’t hurt quite as much.
Some have walked in these shoes so long that days will go by before they think of how much they hurt.

No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet because of the shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything

-Author Unknown

Recognition for Angel - from family & friends

We have so many family and friends that have sent us cards and/or gifts for Angel and notices of donations in her name. I wanted to take a photo and save it here on this blog so we will always remember the support we received.  We appreciate it very much.

Here is a close up of some of the gifts we have received.

This lovely plant was sent to us from coworkers...it is nice to have something growing in our house to remind us of Angel.

Also, our neighbour planted a tree for Angel in her yard.

Thank you Angel

Despite how hard this journey is, Angel has given Jeff and I many gifts, including being able to hold her precious little body when she was born, which I am very thankful for. She has also reminded us of the fragility of life and to appreciate those around you - to be compassionate and to try to be a better person while we are on Earth.
I do hope to share Angel's story on this blog, one day in the near future.  At the moment, I just want to thank her for allowing me to experience almost 32 weeks of pregnancy and to be amazed at all its wonders.

I was amazed to see her wave her hands and dance around on the ultrasound screen. I got to hear her heartbeat and cry at the sound of it.  I was amazed to feel her pokes and squirms as she moved around inside me, especially when I ate pizza or something sweet like ice cream (she was definitely her father's daughter!).  Jeff and I experienced talking and singing to her and telling her we loved her.

Angel gave me that experience and I thank her everyday for choosing me.  She may have very well known that she had only a short while on this Earth and she chose ME to spend it with.  Thank you my sweet girl.

Tear in the Ocean

Twelve Freedoms of Healing In Grief

You have the freedom to realize your grief is unique.
You have the freedom to talk about your grief.
You have the freedom to expect to feel a multitude of emotions.
You have the freedom to allow for numbness.
You have the freedom to be tolerant of your physical and emotional limits.
You have the freedom to experience grief attacks or memory embraces.
You have the freedom to develop a support system.
You have the freedom to make use of ritual.
You have the freedom to embrace your spirituality.
You have the freedom to allow a search for meaning.
You have the freedom to treasure your memories.
You have the freedom to move toward your grief and heal.

Angel's Service of Remembrance

Here are a few photos from Angel's service of remembrance on August 26, 2011.  We had many family and friends attend to support us that day and will never forget the love we felt for us and our daughter.  At the end of the service, we released several painted lady butterflies, to honour and release Angel into her new world.