A new pattern

When I lost Angel I did become unravelled. My trust and faith that all will be well was broken into a million pieces. Now, over two years later, it still affects the core of my being. Having our pup Mimi here has been such a joy but I worry a lot about her safety and how long she will be with us. She is a curious puppy and I fret about her chewing or eating something she shouldn't or running out the front door off leash -- all kinds of scenarios. I think this is the PTSD and also just the new pattern of my thoughts now. I realize how I will never be the same. I will always worry. And if we do bring children into the family I don't know how well I could manage the worry. I am sure it would be even more amplified. How do babyloss moms handle this?? It is a struggle to believe that all will be well.  

On the positive side it does make me reflect on how precious life and all its experiences are. It forces me to live in the present and just enjoy what I have while I have it. I just wish I could focus completely on that without the dread.