Sunday, 12 May 2013

Dear Mr. Hallmark


Dear Mr. Hallmark
 I am writing to you from heaven,
and though it must appear
A rather strange idea,
I see everything from here.
...

I just popped in to visit,
your stores to find a card
A card of love for my mother,
as this day for her is hard.

There must be some mistake I thought,
every card you could imagine
Except I could not find a card,
from a child who lives in heaven.

She is still a mother too,
no matter where I reside
I had to leave, she understands,
but oh the tears she’s cried.

I thought that if I wrote you,
that you would come to know
That though I live in heaven now,
I still love my mother so.

She talks with me, and dreams with me;
we still share laughter too,
Memories our way of speaking now,
would you see what you could do?

My mother carries me in her heart,
her tears she hides from sight.
She writes poems to honor me,
sometimes far into the night.

She plants flowers in my garden,
there my living memory dwells
She writes to other grieving parents,
trying to ease their pain as well.

So you see Mr. Hallmark,
though I no longer live on earth
I must find a way,
to remind her of her wondrous worth

She needs to be honored,
and remembered too
Just as the children of earth will do.

Thank you Mr. Hallmark,
I know you’ll do your best
I have done all I can do;
to you I’ll leave the rest.

Find a way to tell her,
how much she means to me
Until I can do it for myself,
when she joins me in eternity.




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Sunday, 5 May 2013

Remembrance Angel

I received a special card and gift from my mom this week, for international bereaved Mother's Day....a remembrance Angel. It really means alot to be acknowledged as a mom. Being a mom to a child in heaven is a heavy burden, and at times is a very isolating and lonely journey.
Wishing my fellow blms a peaceful day and hoping you feel your babies close.


Saturday, 4 May 2013

I wish

It has been 20 months and 23 days since I last held my daughter. I will never ever forget letting go of her for the last time.
Grief is a constant companion that I cannot ever shake despite my intentions. As we approach international bereaved Mother's Day tomorrow I feel the sadness and fatigue creeping in. I am tired of pulling this grief around with me. I wish I could shake it off. I wish I could be certain it will get better. I wish I never knew the pain of losing a child. I wish I could hold her again.


Sunday, 28 April 2013

Card readings

Last night I went to a face to face meet and we did card readings....here are my 3 cards. I feel they hold common messages of healing, hope, letting go and believing in your guardian angels. Good advice for me to remember....





Saturday, 20 April 2013

Another angel :***(

This week I got another one of those texts from a close friend...her cousin's baby was born sleeping at 32 weeks and they are looking for resources. I feel so badly for this woman that I don't know, that has to face this unimaginable life changing situation. At the same time I also can't believe that I am seen as this go to expert on babyloss. 5 years ago I would never have imagined this would be my life now. That I have a list of resources on hand for this kind of thing. I suppose it is one of the ways Angel's life continues to mean something - my ability to help others in whatever small capacity. It is so strange though. And it takes a toll. It leads to flashbacks and surfacing of difficult feelings all over again.
All that being said, I told my friend to pass on my contact info and that I am here to talk if and when her cousin wants to. I am a member of this community whether I like it or not, and I have my own support network that is always there for me -- women that are 3,4,5 years out from there loss. It only seems right to be an anchor for others that are not as far along in the journey.
I sent my friend an excerpt of the letter I wrote for the memory box that I donated to the hospital, if she wanted to share it with her cousin....here it is:

I am so sorry your baby is not coming home with you. I know your heart is broken and you may not know how you continue. But I promise you that you will. Also know that you are not alone. You will survive this. You will find a place where it is not as painful and you can cope. It will take time, and don't be rushed to move on or forget. Go at your own pace. All you can do is put one foot in front of the other. You may feel alot of fear and probably the most sadness and pain you have ever felt before. The intense pain you feel now will subside and you will feel some relief from it. The pain of loss never leaves you completely but it will get better, I promise you. You will carry this loss as you move forward but you will feel joy again, in between your grief.