Some days

Some days I just can't be strong. Some days I do want to stay in bed and cry. Some days my heart breaks all over again for you. Some days I can't believe how much time has passed since you were here. Some days I feel like the rest of the world has forgotten your existence. Some days I feel alone with it all - the burden and the sadness. Some days I want to rip this grief off my shoulders and throw it out the window, and then take off running. Some days I don't have any more tools in the box to rely on to cope. Some days the weirdest flashbacks come into my mind and I wonder how I got back there again. Some days I do still wear the mask and get through things as best as I can.  Some days I get caught off guard and get glimpses of what could have been life with you here. Some days the triggers are too much to take.

An Angel wing

My friend Rachel gave me this beautiful angel wing necklace this weekend!! I love it. :)

Portrait of a mother

A bit belated but sharing this beautiful video for all mothers <3

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=MosAkwGMJYM

Dear Mr. Hallmark

Dear Mr. Hallmark
 I am writing to you from heaven,
and though it must appear
A rather strange idea,
I see everything from here.
...
I just popped in to visit,
your stores to find a card
A card of love for my mother,
as this day for her is hard.

There must be some mistake I thought,
every card you could imagine
Except I could not find a card,
from a child who lives in heaven.

She is still a mother too,
no matter where I reside
I had to leave, she understands,
but oh the tears she’s cried.

I thought that if I wrote you,
that you would come to know
That though I live in heaven now,
I still love my mother so.

She talks with me, and dreams with me;
we still share laughter too,
Memories our way of speaking now,
would you see what you could do?

My mother carries me in her heart,
her tears she hides from sight.
She writes poems to honor me,
sometimes far into the night.

She plants flowers in my garden,
there my living memory dwells
She writes to other grieving parents,
trying to ease their pain as well.

So you see Mr. Hallmark,
though I no longer live on earth
I must find a way,
to remind her of her wondrous worth

She needs to be honored,
and remembered too
Just as the children of earth will do.

Thank you Mr. Hallmark,
I know you’ll do your best
I have done all I can do;
to you I’ll leave the rest.

Find a way to tell her,
how much she means to me
Until I can do it for myself,
when she joins me in eternity.

Dear God

Remembrance Angel

I received a special card and gift from my mom this week, for international bereaved Mother's Day....a remembrance Angel. It really means alot to be acknowledged as a mom. Being a mom to a child in heaven is a heavy burden, and at times is a very isolating and lonely journey.
Wishing my fellow blms a peaceful day and hoping you feel your babies close.

I wish

It has been 20 months and 23 days since I last held my daughter. I will never ever forget letting go of her for the last time.
Grief is a constant companion that I cannot ever shake despite my intentions. As we approach international bereaved Mother's Day tomorrow I feel the sadness and fatigue creeping in. I am tired of pulling this grief around with me. I wish I could shake it off. I wish I could be certain it will get better. I wish I never knew the pain of losing a child. I wish I could hold her again.