Deafening Silence

http://www.viewster.com/movie/1286-18887-000/deafening-silence/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=voff4
This video was shared on facebook yesterday - it is s short documentary on stillbirth.  So very emotional but very well done.  It brought alot of my own memories and feelings to the surface.

Receive

One of the things I struggle with even now, three years later, is holding on to the difficult emotional baggage. The fear, the guilt, the shame, the deep sadness that comes to the surface from time to time. I think a lifetime of therapy wouldn't eliminate it fully. But I saw a technique/exercise that really resonated with me and could be a tool for others to bring in positive energy.

Take your hands and hold them out in front of you in two clenched fists. Close your eyes and think about whatever emotionally destructive feelings or thoughts or stressors that you are holding on to. Think about how freeing it would be to just let these go. Slowly open your fists and feel all of the negatively be released. Hold your open palms out in front of you -- you are now in a position to receive what you need or want. Be open to receive. You are worthy.

Doing this exercise makes me want to speak to Angel -- to reach out to her for guidance and with hope.

I loved the way she survived

a little piece of heaven

There is a section of the trail near my house that makes me think of heaven. It is so peaceful and beautiful with the sun coming through the trees ever so softly. 

I know there is another dimension other than this life and this earth. I don't take a day for granted here but if this is what heaven is really like, there is no need to fear death. Only more joy and peace awaits us, along with a reunion with our loved ones.

3 years ❤️❤️❤️

Happy 3rd birthday in heaven, Angel.

Missing you always, and especially at this time of year.

I hope you know we love you so much and think of you all the time, even though I don't write here as often. I hope you know how precious you are and how close we hold you in our memory.

We will never forget the gifts you have given us, Angel.  You have changed our lives forever and I treasure that always.

A birthday wish from Owen and his little brother Hudson. Thanks for sending this Shannon.

Tears

Well the tears are just beneath the surface in anticipation of Angel's third birthday.

Thought it would be easier this year but a lot of feelings and memories are coming back. 

Oh August

August you have crept up on me. How is it possible that 3 years have passed...I can't really wrap my head around it. I have been distracted and also happily so with taking care of Mimi and starting a new job. All of a sudden Angel's birthday is just around the corner.

A professional coach I worked with at my last job made a fleeting comment to me that our lives process and change in a three year cycle. Meaning that if you have a major life change it can take that period of time to adjust and look ahead. I think in terms of my grief it rings true. I feel quite different than I did at her 2nd birthday. I feel some acceptance and I can focus on being happy in general. This does not mean that I don't think of her all the time and I will always wonder what might have been. I am triggered from time to time and my heart will always long for her. But I have found some sense of peace and sunshine after the storm.