Today we went to a party for Jeff's papa that turned 90. The whole family was there and the kiddies were running around.... All but one that is missing. These events are still hard for me. She is missing and it breaks my heart. I put on a strong face but the tears break through once I have some privacy to let it out. I feel like no one remembers and yet that everyone remembers. I feel like I have to act normal for the sake of the party and not ruin anyone's time. I feel that people look at me with pity or strangely when I play with or hold the kiddies. I feel on Display. The one who lost her baby.
At the same time I try to live in the moment and be present to try to enjoy the family time. I just miss her and wish she could be here.
Jeff's Ama read this poem to papa... It made me think of her....
No one loves you like I do
No one kisses you like I do
No one has waited for you
No one has asked for you
No one has loved you like I do
Every flower that blooms
Blooms from my love
And this love will last forever
Every song sings only of my love
Because how I love you
No one else can love you
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