Unless you have lost a child, you may never understand what Jeff and I are going through. And that’s okay. I would never want other people in my life to experience this.
I know our friends and family want to fix this for us. They want to make us better. If only it were that easy. The reality is our daughter died and you can’t bring her back. Our grief is not like a sickness though. We can’t be “healed” and we don’t “get better” with each day that passes. We will always miss our daughter and can’t replace her. We can only learn to live without her and try to cope. We can try to get better at coping.
Please know that we don’t want to feel this pain. We are not hanging on to our grief. Most times, it is out of our control. There is a lyric in a song that says “Change this feeling under my feet.” I wish I could do that – that it were that easy.
Sometimes I feel like others are getting impatient or frustrated with my grief or with the “new me.” I don’t know how to deal with that reaction. It only adds to the complexity and burden of emotions I carry. I suppose I have been selfish in this process and am taking care of me first. I don’t know how long I need to do this, but I do know I need to do it. I hope that others can understand and be patient and not give up.
