It won't happen to me
It is an anomaly
She must have done something to cause losing the baby
My baby is healthy and will make it
The truth
It happens to 1 in 4
I pray it won't happen to you
It did happen to me
I wish it wouldn't make you uncomfortable
I had lunch with a pregnant friend a couple weeks ago. A coworker that was close to me when I was pregnant with Angel. It actually went ok. She talked vaguely about her mat leave, the size of her belly and how she gets tired at 7pm. When references to her pregnancy where mentioned I didn't say much. I wanted to. I wanted to compare stories and say I felt a lot of the same things as her. How I experienced it too, almost a full pregnancy. She knows. But I held back. Because ultimately I don't know or feel that people want to hear about or be reminded of my negative outcome.
Even with friends and family I may mention something from that time... Either when I was pregnant or "when Angel died" and I get met with sometimes stony silence. It is like dropping a lead balloon in the conversation.
What I think people don't realize is that sometimes I need or want to talk about it or reference that time in my life. It was incredibly important and yes, unfortunately did not have the outcome I wished for. But it made me who I am today. I can't erase it. I won't.
Oh, I know all too well how horrible this is. The connecting, kind-of, with friends. The before friends are so different from the after friends. And pregnancy and babies are so hard to talk about now, because one of my pregnancy stories, and my most recent pregnancy story, is about Nathaniel.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you share Angel's story here. I'm saying Angel's name out loud, and sending you a big hug through the computer screen <3