Parenting decisions & a lone rose

Last weekend I did a major cleanup of Angel's garden for fall. Part of me felt bad cutting back all of the plants...I am not sure why but it made me bit sad knowing the season of bloom was officially over. I was also worried about how to protect Angel's plaque for the winter. If something happened to damage it I would be beyond upset. I talked it over with Jeff about what to do, and we worked together to cover her plaque as best we could.
And it occurred to me, this is the closest thing to a parenting decision that Jeff and I get to do right now. How can we best protect her, her memory and her keepsakes. I will never get to make normal parenting decisions for her, like how to dress her, what kind of routine should I establish, what daycare or school should she go to, what toys should I buy her for her first birthday.
To date my decisions have revolved around what urn to buy her, what kind of funeral should she have, how can I continue to remember and honour her, how can I help others through this loss, how can I pay it forward on her first birthday.
I feel so robbed. Still.
I keep waiting for it to hurt less. I wonder when I won't feel the sharp pain in my heart for her.
As I worked in the garden there was one lone rose in bloom. I find some comfort in its determination. Continuing to grow and flourish despite its environment. I suppose that is what I also need to work towards.