What Christmas means to me now

I used to love Christmas. Since losing Angel it just isn't the same. Another blm blogger said it best when she said that Christmas is in the top 3 most painful days for those of us that have lost their babies, probably third after their birthday and Mother's Day. If you think about it, it makes sense that the most important days with your child would be some of the most painful after a loss. The loss is amplified for me, as I feel her absence and wonder what it would have been like to spoil my 15 month old daughter this year. To have her picture with Santa.

I have no desire to acknowledge the day or to put on a happy face for others. My reaction to hearing Christmas carols is a pit in my stomach.

What is important to me is that Jeff and I get through it together and cope as best as we know how. This is our deal to get through and I don't expect others to understand or even show sympathy. I know sadness makes other people uncomfortable so why make them acknowledge it.

What a grieving parent needs is space and understanding. And if you want to remember their child with them this holiday season, with a special ornament or a donation in their name, by lighting a candle or just a text saying you are thinking of their child, it really goes a long way.

This past week I received a special ornament from my mom, and my aunt made a donation for Angel. I appreciate their consideration so much.