2012

A year of pain and alot of darkness for me. Wearing a cloak of sadness that in most times was difficult to shrug off. The pain follows me as she does, in my waking moments and in my dreams. The pain of what was and what was meant to be.
I am weary of it all. I am sure others are weary of me. At times it is a very lonely place to be.

And yet. She lives on.

I watch her grow in the garden we built. She speaks to me through the art I make for her. Through mediums. Through butterflies that visit us, that land on our skin. She inspires me to reach out to other women. She influences me through new friends. I connect with others that I never would have without her here. She opens up a new spirituality that I wasn't earlier aware of. She is my greatest struggle of my life. She is my love. She pulls me through some of the darkest days I have ever known. She makes me want to be a stronger person. She encourages my endurance.

2012 was a difficult year. I can't say I am sad to see it gone. I want to let it go. I want to burn it up like a piece of paper that disappears into beautiful sparks and ash.

I know despite everything I feel I am leaping over the final hurdle of this year, a year that in many ways I would rather not reminisce about.

In 2013, I will to continue to move forward. Not forgetting but believing that I can have happiness.