The pain sculpts us

It is so hard some days not to pulled back down into the darkness of grief. It creeps up on you and grabs you.  Sometimes I can't believe this all happened. It seems like a bad dream, in fact, the worst nightmare.  I suppose it is the brain protecting itself when I don't focus on the gravity of what happened, every second of every day.  But then when I think about it, it really does hit me.  She's gone.  I am missing out on so, so much.  Sometimes I am angry, and sad, and lost.  I really don't want to feel that way. When I get hit by the grief, I try to focus on all the gifts Angel gave me.

There was a beautiful post written in Still Standing magazine today about finding light in the darkness.   "And now, even if I've been denied the ability to hold her in my arms, I can still keep her close to me. I have found her in the little gifts the universe leaves me. I just have to open my heart up to receive them."

To steal a quote from my friend Amanda says about her son Cayvior -- Everything beautiful reminds me of her.  Life really is illuminated in a different way and that is her gift to me.  I remember her when I see butterflies, roses, sunsets, clouds floating in blue skies, the ocean, the stars, the sunlight through the trees.

Grief changes us. The pain sculpts us into someone who:

Understands more deeply,
Hurts more often,
Appreciates more quickly,
... Cries more easily,
Hopes more desperately,
Loves more openly. ♥

Do not NOT live because they are not here...Live because they were, because they touched us, because they made us understand, hurt, appreciate, cry, hope and love more deeply than we ever thought possible. Live for them not despite them.