Life after losing Angel is a bit of a blank canvas. Uncertain, and very blank. What I also read recently though, which tells me I am "normal", or at least this is a normal type of reaction - is this is also a symptom of post traumatic stress, common in women who faced the loss of their baby.
Post traumatic stress includes... “numbing of general responsiveness (not present before the trauma), as indicated by . . . a sense of foreshortened future (e.g., does not expect to have a career, marriage, children, or a normal life span).”
This sounds pretty ominous but really what I feel is that I don't know what the future holds. Or a future is hard to envision right now. So when people ask me where do I go from here....I really honestly don't know. I had an imagined future with Angel all mapped out and that map has been wiped clean. So the best I can say is - wait and see, let's figure it out as we go. I guess what I would ask for back, from people that are wondering this of me - is please don't ask that. Please just be there for me, and accept whatever comes.
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