People who understand what going through this loss is like are a treasure. One of the best things I would advise a fellow babyloss mom of is surround yourself with a support team, stay close to them and talk about your feelings with them. With some exceptions, your support team will usually be people who have also had a baby die too soon. You may also be able to call on dear friends or a counsellor, or family members. But you do need to surround yourself with others that have faced this journey.
One of the best ways you can take care of yourself is to talk to these people and not try to get understanding from people who don’t understand. There is an old saying “Don’t go to a dry well for water.” It is important to remember this and protect your feelings. Sometimes you will go to people that you think will be there and they can't. Alternatively though, sometimes the people you least expect support from are there. I think I made the mistake in the early days of the loss, to try to get things from people that could simply not give it. I would look to people for support, compassion, understanding – when really all they could do was distance themselves from Jeff & I – probably from fear or uncertainty. You feel let down and even pulled further down in grief when this happens. But try to step back and realize that some people in your life will not be able to be there in the way you need. Find others that can fill that void.
You learn to find the right people that can be your anchors. You will find the right people to walk alongside you in your sorrow.
Anchors can help you stay on track to positively work through your grief. Choose your anchor, firmly set it, and do not let it go. Call up the picture of your anchor, or literally call them up, when grief knocks you down. This support system that you build will become invaluable.
If you are a fellow babyloss mom, and you are reading this post, and you don’t have an anchor right now – I can be one for you. Just reach out to me and let me know.
This is beautiful and will help a lot of baby loss Mom's, especially those who just lost their baby. I'm still surprised sometimes by which people were there for us after Jacob was born and which people disappeared.
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