Wednesday, 18 July 2012

Ups & Downs

Living a life after losing Angel is full of ups and downs.  Some of my "down" posts on here are probably frightening to the average person that hasn't experienced a babyloss.  I think some or most of the other BLMs out there can relate.  But I know for the regular person out there, perhaps they just can't relate to the depth of pain that I write about at times.    And that's ok.  I am talking about how I feel about losing MY daughter.  I write to release the grief, so it doesn't affect my day to day life.  It really is therapeutic for me. 

So if you know me in real life a) I appreciate that you care enough to check how I am doing...and please know that I am generally ok 2) please don't treat me strangely just because you know I hurt and am sad about my baby dying 3) if this blog makes you uncomfortable, don't follow it - it's ok not to know every last detail of my grief  4) talking to me about Angel is ok and I would welcome it - just no unsolicited advice on how to "get better" please

I think I've overcome the wave of grief last week and I feel relief.  I think I am on an "up" for the moment and believe me it is sweet, and I treasure it.

Another loss mom wrote about how when she feels good, the sun feels like candy on her skin. It's so true - when you feel good, you can appreciate the small things in life that bring you joy.  But when you are on a low, you can't even see or enjoy the sun. Very little gets through when you are down. I know people in my life try to pull me out of it, but that doesn't really work. Just be patient and I will come around.
A friend of mine posted this quote on facebook the other day and it really resonated with me and my experience with loss.  It inspires me to keep going and have the courage to continue.

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do."-Eleanor Roosevelt.





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3 comments:

  1. Dana18 July 2012 at 15:26

    I'm glad you are feeling better than last weeks. There are so many ups and downs. It is so true how the good days feel and the bad days feel and I love that quote.

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  2. Anonymous18 July 2012 at 20:42

    You took the words right out of my mouth with this post. Glad you are feeling good, I hope the "up" stays. I look forward to the ups and barrel through the downs as best as I possibly can. I'm thinking of you and Angel.

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  3. Suzanne21 July 2012 at 19:38

    The darkness is definitely dark. When I'm in it, when I'm there, it seems like there is nothing that I can do to turn it around. I've talked with my therapist a lot about depression, and about the difference between depression and grief. It seems like the line is very thin sometimes. . .Be good to yourself. Be gentle with yourself. The grief is important.

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