The unpredictable ride of grief

I have talked a bit about the grief process and how it isn't necessarily linear. It doesn't gradually decrease as time goes on as you might expect.  What happens is, the "peaks" of grief can remain as intense, or almost as intense, however, the periods of "good times" or more peaceful feelings get longer, and the peaks of grief get shorter. If I have learned anything from this experience of losing Angel, I can tell you that grief is an unpredictable ride.  I can be functioning "normally" for hours or days, and then it can hit you.  And you have to find a private place and ride it out.

I compare grief to riding a horse.  I am actually afraid of getting on a horse.  I went horseback riding when I was younger and as the horses got close to home, they took off for the stable at an alarming speed. Riding that fast and feeling not quite in control scares me.  One of my best friends also broke her arm falling off a horse.  What strikes me as similar with grief and riding a horse is the lack of control.  A wave of grief may hit you out of nowhere and knock you right off your saddle.  I wish there was a better way to prepare for it or brace for it, but it just isn't that way. You just have to hold on as tight as you can and hope for the best.