August

Here we are again August. How I have dreaded your return. 
Last year at this time was the last 9 days of innocence and happiness before she was gone. I was off work, preparing for her arrival....doing my registry, getting the nursery organized, visiting with my friends and family that recently had babies. Jeff and I even did a newborn care class the weekend before we found out she had died. I remember her kicking up a storm in that class. Now I wonder-- was it because something was wrong?  The unanswered questions and guilt creep in from time to time.

How is it possible I have survived this year? Looking back I don't really know. I would really prefer to close my eyes and wake up in September.
It hurts too much to remember.

"We can't know why the lily has so brief a time to bloom in the warmth of sunlight's kiss upon its face before it folds into its fragrance and bids the world good night, to rest its beauty in a gentler place.  But we can know that nothing that is loved is ever lost and no one who has touched a heart can really pass away because some beauty lingers on in each memory of which they've been a part."
Ellen Brennerman