Last year on this date, Jeff and I went to the funeral home to make the arrangements for Angel.
This is something no parent should have to do for their children.
I don't know how we got through that. How do you even make decisions when you are still in shock? When you are physically and emotionally broken? And everything is an emotional and heart wrenching choice too, like you want to have the perfect urn, a beautiful inscription, a memorial service that lives up to your expectations for your firstborn daughter's life and all that it means to you. These are some of the only decisions you get to make for your baby and you feel the pressure to make it just right. To make it perfect for her, to properly demonstrate your deep, deep love.
So much to consider and yet it is achingly painful, impossible to function, two days after she was born.
Instead of going to babies r us following my daughter's birth here we were at a funeral home. I don't think the brain can even grasp the gravity of the situation at the time.
And so although Angel's birthday has passed I am still drawn to these memories of the days following her birth....my heart is breaking to remember and to relive it all.
I wonder the same -- how in the world DID we get through that? Big hugs.
ReplyDeleteI remember sitting at the funeral home, reading things and trekking them things. It was surreal and so hard to make decisions and understand why we were even in that place. I kept thinking that Jacob was in the same building as us, but we weren't holding him (he had an autopsy, they said we could see him but thought it was better that we didn't). I drive by the funeral home about once a week and am always taken back to that day and the day I picked up his cremated remains. I laws wanted, and want, things to be perfect for him because there is so little that I can do for him.
ReplyDelete