Grief Graph

The grief graph is something I saw posted in one of my online forums shortly after losing Angel and I think it is helpful to share here, for other babyloss moms and for our friends and family that follow the blog. 

I am going to copy the poster's comments in also as it sort of explains what she found out and relayed to us:

"I talked to a psychologist specializing in perinatal bereavement yesterday, and he told me something I found very helpful. I was worried because I was still having occasional intense bouts of sadness, that would hit me in the middle of an otherwise 'good' day. I'd be perfectly fine all day and then while doing the dishes, making dinner, etc. I would start thinking about things and end up sobbing.

He said that most people tend to think that grief gradually decreases as time goes on, like this:

However, he said grief actually behaves like this:

The 'peaks' of grief remain as intense, or almost as intense, however the 'good times' get longer and the peaks of grief get shorter.

I just thought I would share in case this is helpful to any of you as well. It reassured me that what I was going through was 'normal.'"

If I look back to the early days after our loss, I know that there were hardly ever periods of "good times" in between the bouts of grief.  Those are getting longer for sure, and provide welcomed relief.  But the peaks of grief do come back and hit you, and sometimes out of nowhere.  And it is out of my control.  And that frustrates me to be honest. I'd love to be able to control the emotion better, but it is just not possible.    Sometimes grief is triggered - by something I see, or a conversation - and sometimes it isn't - it just hits you - in the car, while doing dishes, etc.    In between these periods, I do feel joy and I feel grateful for the many blessings I have in this life.  But it doesn't eliminate the sorrow over losing Angel and nothing can really do that.  In writing about this, I am just trying to be as honest and realistic as I can be about my experience thus far with life after loss.  This is it - the good, bad and ugly.